So here I am at another Sales Meeting...this time in San Diego. I am finding that I am much more anti-social and want to be home with George and Hercules more than ever. This could be due to a few reasons...the weather is horrible, the company is a mess and I am fighting off a cold. However, I think the major reason is that we decided to go ahead and try again this month.
I do not want to paint a rosy picture all of the time...so I can truly say this was the most difficult Holiday Season I have had. A sweeping sadness crept over me, mainly because I knew we were going to start this journey again and because of this feelings that I have pushed away for months have crept up to the surface. I let myself feel the pain over the Holiday's...however I did vow for the New Year it was full steam ahead, bringing me to the present.
Dodging the questions of "why aren't you drinking" is quite difficult, luckily the cold has helped quite a bit. Therefore, I have found it easier just to dodge the situation all together, order room service and stay away from the crowds. Before the waiting period to see if I was pregnant was torture...now I am eerily calm about it, either way I am fine with it. The real fear comes the day I see that positive...that will be the day the roller coaster goes again.
It is so funny when I hear "at least you can get pregnant"...honestly I would rather not be getting pregnant then to experience the loss that is so consuming when you miscarry.
So I am a day away from finding out if we buckle in and ride the roller coaster again...either way I am ready to see what the future is going to bring and hopefully it will be a step to make my greatest wish in 2008 come true...to finally have a family.
Happy New Year to Everyone!!
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