It has been a while since my last post...probably because not much has been going on. I have been going to Acupuncture religiously and feel such a difference in my body and mind...even if this doesn't help or shall I say provide me with the solution I want it will be worth it in the end. It has provided me with a peace and clarity during this difficult time.
George and I were originally going to start trying after 3 cycles (which has passed) but I was asked by my Acupuncturist to wait...he said my body needed more time. So I thought to myself, I have trusted him this far...what is another month. Also, to be honest I do not think I could take another Christmas of loosing a baby. I went through my 1st miscarriage last Holiday Season...and I do not want to take the chance again. Who wants to start associating the Holiday's with that. It would be an entire month of taking my blood every other day, ups and downs and extreme stress. Therefore, I thought why not just stay stress free this Holiday Season, let Acupuncture do its thing, continue at the gym and be able to drink at Holiday parties without stress:-)
That being said...George and I just returned from a fabulous trip to Old Quebec City...it was first class all of the way. This was my 30th Birthday gift and we pulled out all of the stops. The hotel was amazing...with open fire places, steam bathroom and a first class restaurant. Honestly (besides the Ritz in New Orleans) this was the nicest hotel I have been to. The old city is like you have pulled a small village out of France and placed it in Quebec...little bistros and shops line the streets...we really relaxed and just enjoyed ourselves.
On Sunday of our trip we took our much anticipated trip to St. Anne's...what an amazing cathedral...it seems to be fashioned much like Notre Dame in Paris...absolutely beautiful. The amazing thing is that this shrine is a pilgrimage site and therefore many people are there at all times...however, for about 45 minutes George and I were the only one's in the cathedral. It was so peaceful and beautiful...I feel like I had a one-one with St. Anne. There I asked for the obvious (a beautiful child of our own) and the strength to go down this road again...and most importantly for the strength to make it through if having a child on my own is not in God's plan for George and I. I did walk away with a peace and knowing that I could make it through, to continue to lean on George and with the knowledge that I will someday bring my family back to visit...how that family comes to us is still in God's hands.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Monday, October 8, 2007
Adoption Agencies
As I start to weigh my options in case this time does not work...I am really researching adoption agencies. Looking at the success rate of IVF for Pre-genetic determination...it is not that good, it is pretty bad actually. I still have a better chance after 6 miscarriages...horrible. Therefore, I am not sure anymore I will go down that road...we will see if/when the time comes.
I have a favor of anyone who reads this blog and knows of someone who has adopted or knows of a good agency to please refer them to me...you all know my e-mail...
On another note I am reading a fantastic book called...The Infertility Cure...it is all about Acupuncture and how it treats infertility, fantastic. It gets down into the nitty gritty of symptoms and what is really going on in your body...I have a two page list for my Dr. this week!
I have a favor of anyone who reads this blog and knows of someone who has adopted or knows of a good agency to please refer them to me...you all know my e-mail...
On another note I am reading a fantastic book called...The Infertility Cure...it is all about Acupuncture and how it treats infertility, fantastic. It gets down into the nitty gritty of symptoms and what is really going on in your body...I have a two page list for my Dr. this week!
Friday, September 14, 2007
Meeting with the Dr.
So I had my meeting with the Dr. since my D&C...it proved promising but also very disheartening. Basically he said the same thing that was said the day of my procedure...that we still have a 70% chance of conceiving and carrying on our own without intervention, even with three miscarriages. So that is promising I guess...however I still feel like I am going into this next time blind. He said we could do a biopsy/hysteroscopy again to check for scarring but since that was done in May he really doesn't see why we should put me through that...thank God, I told him I would not want another one anyway...that had to be one of the worst experiences in my life and I can tolerate pain.
Anyway, he said other than that George and I have been tested for everything under the sun that can pertain to miscarriage and it all came back normal so he really feels that it was a chromosomal abnormality...the leading cause of miscarriage, however they were not able to obtain the proper tissue during my D&C to check, again shooting blind. So we are going into this one again on a hope and a prayer hoping it sticks. He did tell me that women miscarry in clusters...in that they will miscarry at the same point in their pregnancy every time, therefore mine is the 6-7 week point...if we can get me past there my chances of success are very high. I have done plenty of research on miscarriage and unfortunately it is still an unknown and other than structural or hormonal problems there really is no explanation...it sucks.
God forbid we loose another...Dr. Hill said the next step is IVF but get this (this is the part that pisses me off and had me in tears in the car) it is not covered by insurance...because miscarriage is not infertility according to the Insurance Companies, I can get pregnant and therefore IVF is not a necessity. So if we do go this route we are looking at $12,000-$15,000 out of our pocket. He said some couples wait until 5 miscarriages before going this route because it is so expensive. I asked how IVF could help us...and basically they take my eggs and test the chromosomes they test 9 all together (there are 23 that have to be in line)and it is these 9 chromosomes that are responsible for about 85% of the pregnancy taking. However, he did add that there is only a 60%-70% chance that this would work...so my chances right now are better on my own, that is such a comforting thought. Finally, if they did this procedure and we find that they can't get my chromosomes to match up...my only option would be an egg donor...which I said I would not do...I will adopt instead.
I am very upset today...just that we are at this point and the thought of possibly going through this again is so scary and that the next steps after this suck so bad and will put us in the poor house. The Dr. said we could start trying right away but like my Acupuncturist suggested we are going to wait a couple of months.
On another note acupuncture is going very well, I am starting sleep again anyway...hopefully it is working in other ways that aren't apparent to me.
Finally, George and I are heading to Quebec the day after Thanksgiving...one for a birthday break for me (we are staying at a beautiful hotel) and two to visit St. Anne's cathedral...it has been know that many miracles happen there...and I feel like I was called there recently at my brother's memorial mass...so we are going.
At this point who knows...I just have to keep my heart open to everything.
Anyway, he said other than that George and I have been tested for everything under the sun that can pertain to miscarriage and it all came back normal so he really feels that it was a chromosomal abnormality...the leading cause of miscarriage, however they were not able to obtain the proper tissue during my D&C to check, again shooting blind. So we are going into this one again on a hope and a prayer hoping it sticks. He did tell me that women miscarry in clusters...in that they will miscarry at the same point in their pregnancy every time, therefore mine is the 6-7 week point...if we can get me past there my chances of success are very high. I have done plenty of research on miscarriage and unfortunately it is still an unknown and other than structural or hormonal problems there really is no explanation...it sucks.
God forbid we loose another...Dr. Hill said the next step is IVF but get this (this is the part that pisses me off and had me in tears in the car) it is not covered by insurance...because miscarriage is not infertility according to the Insurance Companies, I can get pregnant and therefore IVF is not a necessity. So if we do go this route we are looking at $12,000-$15,000 out of our pocket. He said some couples wait until 5 miscarriages before going this route because it is so expensive. I asked how IVF could help us...and basically they take my eggs and test the chromosomes they test 9 all together (there are 23 that have to be in line)and it is these 9 chromosomes that are responsible for about 85% of the pregnancy taking. However, he did add that there is only a 60%-70% chance that this would work...so my chances right now are better on my own, that is such a comforting thought. Finally, if they did this procedure and we find that they can't get my chromosomes to match up...my only option would be an egg donor...which I said I would not do...I will adopt instead.
I am very upset today...just that we are at this point and the thought of possibly going through this again is so scary and that the next steps after this suck so bad and will put us in the poor house. The Dr. said we could start trying right away but like my Acupuncturist suggested we are going to wait a couple of months.
On another note acupuncture is going very well, I am starting sleep again anyway...hopefully it is working in other ways that aren't apparent to me.
Finally, George and I are heading to Quebec the day after Thanksgiving...one for a birthday break for me (we are staying at a beautiful hotel) and two to visit St. Anne's cathedral...it has been know that many miracles happen there...and I feel like I was called there recently at my brother's memorial mass...so we are going.
At this point who knows...I just have to keep my heart open to everything.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Acupuncture, first time
Well Wednesday night my friend Christina treated me to a wonderful massage...it was just what the Dr. ordered. Let me tell you my family and friends have been wonderful...knowing that George and I have that kind of support makes getting through this time so much easier and really helps us continue on this journey.
So Wednesday had me nice and relaxed and that was continued after my first Acupuncture treatment. I went to Reading family Acupuncture...my Dr. refers many patients there, so I felt very comfortable. After many questions Jose (my acupuncturist who specializes in in-fertility) really feels that my circulation is very poor. It is so funny I can see this...I am cold ALL of the time, I have tingling in my hands and feet and am dizzy constantly but I never put it together. He explained if my blood is not circulating properly then the fetus is not getting the proper nutrients/nutrition to implant and grow...it makes sense. I remember this last early pregnancy I had severe numbing/tingling in my legs, feet and hands...could that be a correlation to my miscarriage...maybe, it is worth exploring.
Therefore, Jose wants to work specifically on components that will help with circulation...such as curbing anxiety, sleeping better, etc...these pieces can be helped immediately (I am so excited about that).
Also, he wants me to give him three months of acupuncture and herbs before we try again. He explained that eggs are present in the body for 6 months and optimally we should take three months to prepare and make them strong for pregnancy. Also, it will make the uterus well prepared for nutrients to carry the pregnancy.
We will see if I take the full three months before trying...I know I have to wait two anyway...we always have to wait one full cycle after a miscarriage anyway and then I know Dr. Hill will want a month to do more testing before we try again. Therefore, it would only be one additional month added to our original time table...I think I can handle that...we will see, I might get the bug much sooner than that. However, if this could prevent me going through what I have the previous three times and then going down the IVF route, then I think one more month is worth it!! It is weird, my sister who went to a psychic believes this woman was talking about me not her...and if this woman was correct then I would have a baby in August...which would bring me to three months from now, November! Who knows...
I was a little nervous before getting all of the needles put in but it is nothing at all, you barely feel it and I was so relaxed. I felt so good after this session and slept unbelievable that night. Also, my vein my left arm was swollen and so sore to the touch from the IV used during my D&C before this session and I left with the swelling gone and about 95% pain free, pretty amazing, huh!
Anyway, it was a good start and helped me feel like I was controlling something myself, that I was taking a step to make me healthy. Whether or not this will be the answer, who knows!
So Wednesday had me nice and relaxed and that was continued after my first Acupuncture treatment. I went to Reading family Acupuncture...my Dr. refers many patients there, so I felt very comfortable. After many questions Jose (my acupuncturist who specializes in in-fertility) really feels that my circulation is very poor. It is so funny I can see this...I am cold ALL of the time, I have tingling in my hands and feet and am dizzy constantly but I never put it together. He explained if my blood is not circulating properly then the fetus is not getting the proper nutrients/nutrition to implant and grow...it makes sense. I remember this last early pregnancy I had severe numbing/tingling in my legs, feet and hands...could that be a correlation to my miscarriage...maybe, it is worth exploring.
Therefore, Jose wants to work specifically on components that will help with circulation...such as curbing anxiety, sleeping better, etc...these pieces can be helped immediately (I am so excited about that).
Also, he wants me to give him three months of acupuncture and herbs before we try again. He explained that eggs are present in the body for 6 months and optimally we should take three months to prepare and make them strong for pregnancy. Also, it will make the uterus well prepared for nutrients to carry the pregnancy.
We will see if I take the full three months before trying...I know I have to wait two anyway...we always have to wait one full cycle after a miscarriage anyway and then I know Dr. Hill will want a month to do more testing before we try again. Therefore, it would only be one additional month added to our original time table...I think I can handle that...we will see, I might get the bug much sooner than that. However, if this could prevent me going through what I have the previous three times and then going down the IVF route, then I think one more month is worth it!! It is weird, my sister who went to a psychic believes this woman was talking about me not her...and if this woman was correct then I would have a baby in August...which would bring me to three months from now, November! Who knows...
I was a little nervous before getting all of the needles put in but it is nothing at all, you barely feel it and I was so relaxed. I felt so good after this session and slept unbelievable that night. Also, my vein my left arm was swollen and so sore to the touch from the IV used during my D&C before this session and I left with the swelling gone and about 95% pain free, pretty amazing, huh!
Anyway, it was a good start and helped me feel like I was controlling something myself, that I was taking a step to make me healthy. Whether or not this will be the answer, who knows!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
One Week Ago
Hello...I can't believe I am here writing a blog...I swore I would never do this but I am finding it is needed to help me get through this time. A little about me...my name is Jenn, I am 29...have been married to my wonderful husband George for 5 years and have an adorable Pug Hercules. If you know me...then you know these two guys are the loves of my life. However, about a year ago (October exactly) George and I decided to add another love to our life and therefore begin the journey to have a baby...one of the greatest gifts God can give us.
In November we went on a trip to NYC and I swore that I was pregnant!!! but the tests were coming up negative even a blood test was negative. However, after a week of severe cramping and just had the notion that something was off I took a pregnancy test and there it was positive!! I was SO excited...George was skeptical (it was a hard couple of weeks before this). I could not contain my excitement and told everyone, congratulations were pouring in. I went for bloodwork to confirm the pregnancy and my HCG levels came back at 70 (at almost 7 weeks) but being new to this journey I had no clue this was extremely low...so I was ecstatic I was having a baby.
My excitement was soon halted the next day when I started spotting...a sense of dread crept in. However, I stayed positive and I will never forget it was a Thursday evening and I stopped at Target and picked up baby books but my sense of dread soon became a reality. At 5 am on Friday I woke up bleeding...I knew I was having a miscarriage. It is funny when tragedy happens how calm your body can become...I remember going back to bed and just waiting for it to happen. When it was a decent hour I called my Mom and sister to let them know. That day was one of the worst of my life...George and I went to the Dr.'s (full of pregnant ladies) to confirm the miscarriage and then after we left the pain began. It was a pain I could never ever have imagined...it took my breath away. That lasted all day long and then after that I had to go back into the pregnant filled Dr.'s office for a shot because I am O negative.
After that day was over I didn't want time to recover...I wanted to focus on the future and getting pregnant again! We were very lucky by the middle of February I came home from a work trip positive I was pregnant and when I took the test I was so excited to see two pink lines. This time my Dr. wanted to monitor my HCG levels because of my previous miscarriage...now I was fully aware of what those levels meant. My first test came back at 30 and they said it was ok...it was early. The second test stayed at 30, not good...now we are talking about ectopic pregnancies. It was then the roller coaster ride officially began...it was 2 and 1/2 weeks of blood work every other day some days good and others they were convinced it was ectopic. Finally, my numbers went down and at 6 weeks we decided on a D&C...which was MUCH better then miscarrying on my own...a lot less painful and easier to get over.
Again, I was ready to try right away...however I decided to go to a fertility specialist who focused on miscarriages. We did the array of testing (btw if you ever need a uterine biopsy make them put you out...it hurts like hell) and found nothing to indicate that my body could not carry a baby. Therefore, Dr. Hill put me on progesterone (just in case) and I was on my way. After the second month of trying after all of my testing (the first month I had a chemical miscarriage) I was pregnant and the pink lines were DARK. I thought this was it we are going to make it this time. My first HCG level came back at 117...myself and George had a great feeling.
Things brings us to the present...after almost two weeks of non doubling numbers and two ultrasounds with an empty sac we scheduled the D&C...it will be a week tomorrow that I had it. Again, the D&C went very well with little bleeding and my numbers climbed right back down. However, the difference this time...it is much harder to heal emotionally, now I am scared...will my body ever let me carry a baby, I do not know.
According to Dr. Hill he still firmly believes I have a 70% chance of carrying a baby on my own. While I was under George spoke to him and it sounds like we are going to give it another shot on my own and God forbid this does not work...we will explore IVF. I meet with the Dr. again on 9/13 and I will know more then...if we will do more testing, etc...
However, I am taking another step on my own tomorrow...and I am starting Acupuncture. Thank you to my friend Katie for turning me on to this. After a lot of research I found so many women that this helped...many who had repeated miscarriages. So here we go...if anything it will make me feel better physically...I can't wait to get back to the gym.
I know this is a long first post...they will probably not be this long after. I count myself very lucky, I have an amazing husband, loving family, my dude Hercules and friends I can count on for anything...George and I will get through this I know it. We have discussed adoption and know we will travel that road if this one leads us to a dead end. It is in God's hands and I know I have no control but in the end we will give a baby a wonderful home fully of love, laughter faith and craziness:-)
In November we went on a trip to NYC and I swore that I was pregnant!!! but the tests were coming up negative even a blood test was negative. However, after a week of severe cramping and just had the notion that something was off I took a pregnancy test and there it was positive!! I was SO excited...George was skeptical (it was a hard couple of weeks before this). I could not contain my excitement and told everyone, congratulations were pouring in. I went for bloodwork to confirm the pregnancy and my HCG levels came back at 70 (at almost 7 weeks) but being new to this journey I had no clue this was extremely low...so I was ecstatic I was having a baby.
My excitement was soon halted the next day when I started spotting...a sense of dread crept in. However, I stayed positive and I will never forget it was a Thursday evening and I stopped at Target and picked up baby books but my sense of dread soon became a reality. At 5 am on Friday I woke up bleeding...I knew I was having a miscarriage. It is funny when tragedy happens how calm your body can become...I remember going back to bed and just waiting for it to happen. When it was a decent hour I called my Mom and sister to let them know. That day was one of the worst of my life...George and I went to the Dr.'s (full of pregnant ladies) to confirm the miscarriage and then after we left the pain began. It was a pain I could never ever have imagined...it took my breath away. That lasted all day long and then after that I had to go back into the pregnant filled Dr.'s office for a shot because I am O negative.
After that day was over I didn't want time to recover...I wanted to focus on the future and getting pregnant again! We were very lucky by the middle of February I came home from a work trip positive I was pregnant and when I took the test I was so excited to see two pink lines. This time my Dr. wanted to monitor my HCG levels because of my previous miscarriage...now I was fully aware of what those levels meant. My first test came back at 30 and they said it was ok...it was early. The second test stayed at 30, not good...now we are talking about ectopic pregnancies. It was then the roller coaster ride officially began...it was 2 and 1/2 weeks of blood work every other day some days good and others they were convinced it was ectopic. Finally, my numbers went down and at 6 weeks we decided on a D&C...which was MUCH better then miscarrying on my own...a lot less painful and easier to get over.
Again, I was ready to try right away...however I decided to go to a fertility specialist who focused on miscarriages. We did the array of testing (btw if you ever need a uterine biopsy make them put you out...it hurts like hell) and found nothing to indicate that my body could not carry a baby. Therefore, Dr. Hill put me on progesterone (just in case) and I was on my way. After the second month of trying after all of my testing (the first month I had a chemical miscarriage) I was pregnant and the pink lines were DARK. I thought this was it we are going to make it this time. My first HCG level came back at 117...myself and George had a great feeling.
Things brings us to the present...after almost two weeks of non doubling numbers and two ultrasounds with an empty sac we scheduled the D&C...it will be a week tomorrow that I had it. Again, the D&C went very well with little bleeding and my numbers climbed right back down. However, the difference this time...it is much harder to heal emotionally, now I am scared...will my body ever let me carry a baby, I do not know.
According to Dr. Hill he still firmly believes I have a 70% chance of carrying a baby on my own. While I was under George spoke to him and it sounds like we are going to give it another shot on my own and God forbid this does not work...we will explore IVF. I meet with the Dr. again on 9/13 and I will know more then...if we will do more testing, etc...
However, I am taking another step on my own tomorrow...and I am starting Acupuncture. Thank you to my friend Katie for turning me on to this. After a lot of research I found so many women that this helped...many who had repeated miscarriages. So here we go...if anything it will make me feel better physically...I can't wait to get back to the gym.
I know this is a long first post...they will probably not be this long after. I count myself very lucky, I have an amazing husband, loving family, my dude Hercules and friends I can count on for anything...George and I will get through this I know it. We have discussed adoption and know we will travel that road if this one leads us to a dead end. It is in God's hands and I know I have no control but in the end we will give a baby a wonderful home fully of love, laughter faith and craziness:-)
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