Hello...I can't believe I am here writing a blog...I swore I would never do this but I am finding it is needed to help me get through this time. A little about me...my name is Jenn, I am 29...have been married to my wonderful husband George for 5 years and have an adorable Pug Hercules. If you know me...then you know these two guys are the loves of my life. However, about a year ago (October exactly) George and I decided to add another love to our life and therefore begin the journey to have a baby...one of the greatest gifts God can give us.
In November we went on a trip to NYC and I swore that I was pregnant!!! but the tests were coming up negative even a blood test was negative. However, after a week of severe cramping and just had the notion that something was off I took a pregnancy test and there it was positive!! I was SO excited...George was skeptical (it was a hard couple of weeks before this). I could not contain my excitement and told everyone, congratulations were pouring in. I went for bloodwork to confirm the pregnancy and my HCG levels came back at 70 (at almost 7 weeks) but being new to this journey I had no clue this was extremely low...so I was ecstatic I was having a baby.
My excitement was soon halted the next day when I started spotting...a sense of dread crept in. However, I stayed positive and I will never forget it was a Thursday evening and I stopped at Target and picked up baby books but my sense of dread soon became a reality. At 5 am on Friday I woke up bleeding...I knew I was having a miscarriage. It is funny when tragedy happens how calm your body can become...I remember going back to bed and just waiting for it to happen. When it was a decent hour I called my Mom and sister to let them know. That day was one of the worst of my life...George and I went to the Dr.'s (full of pregnant ladies) to confirm the miscarriage and then after we left the pain began. It was a pain I could never ever have imagined...it took my breath away. That lasted all day long and then after that I had to go back into the pregnant filled Dr.'s office for a shot because I am O negative.
After that day was over I didn't want time to recover...I wanted to focus on the future and getting pregnant again! We were very lucky by the middle of February I came home from a work trip positive I was pregnant and when I took the test I was so excited to see two pink lines. This time my Dr. wanted to monitor my HCG levels because of my previous miscarriage...now I was fully aware of what those levels meant. My first test came back at 30 and they said it was ok...it was early. The second test stayed at 30, not good...now we are talking about ectopic pregnancies. It was then the roller coaster ride officially began...it was 2 and 1/2 weeks of blood work every other day some days good and others they were convinced it was ectopic. Finally, my numbers went down and at 6 weeks we decided on a D&C...which was MUCH better then miscarrying on my own...a lot less painful and easier to get over.
Again, I was ready to try right away...however I decided to go to a fertility specialist who focused on miscarriages. We did the array of testing (btw if you ever need a uterine biopsy make them put you out...it hurts like hell) and found nothing to indicate that my body could not carry a baby. Therefore, Dr. Hill put me on progesterone (just in case) and I was on my way. After the second month of trying after all of my testing (the first month I had a chemical miscarriage) I was pregnant and the pink lines were DARK. I thought this was it we are going to make it this time. My first HCG level came back at 117...myself and George had a great feeling.
Things brings us to the present...after almost two weeks of non doubling numbers and two ultrasounds with an empty sac we scheduled the D&C...it will be a week tomorrow that I had it. Again, the D&C went very well with little bleeding and my numbers climbed right back down. However, the difference this time...it is much harder to heal emotionally, now I am scared...will my body ever let me carry a baby, I do not know.
According to Dr. Hill he still firmly believes I have a 70% chance of carrying a baby on my own. While I was under George spoke to him and it sounds like we are going to give it another shot on my own and God forbid this does not work...we will explore IVF. I meet with the Dr. again on 9/13 and I will know more then...if we will do more testing, etc...
However, I am taking another step on my own tomorrow...and I am starting Acupuncture. Thank you to my friend Katie for turning me on to this. After a lot of research I found so many women that this helped...many who had repeated miscarriages. So here we go...if anything it will make me feel better physically...I can't wait to get back to the gym.
I know this is a long first post...they will probably not be this long after. I count myself very lucky, I have an amazing husband, loving family, my dude Hercules and friends I can count on for anything...George and I will get through this I know it. We have discussed adoption and know we will travel that road if this one leads us to a dead end. It is in God's hands and I know I have no control but in the end we will give a baby a wonderful home fully of love, laughter faith and craziness:-)
